To write or not to write, that´s an easy question

So Its been a while since I last sat down an let my fingers tell one of the many stories I have inside my mind, or truth to be told inside my heart deep deep inside, carefully guarding the smell and the sounds behind that kiss, that hug, that I love you. I tough I would never come to this moment, to the point I would unpause my self and let myself be free from your lips and your sick love but I did it, on my own time, on my own terms as always but I finally let myself go from you. And I cant say a huge weight has been lifted because my sweet we know its been years since the last time I saw you breathing, the hole in the ground is not as near as big as the hole in my bed, my arms or my life.... This is not a goodbye letter, this is more like the hello to myself, a how you been? because my sweet its been a long time since I could look at myself in the mirror and see me as me and not as an extension of u/s (no typo there). I can´t really hope anything for the dearly departed because they already did what they had to do. But I´m not dead, actually Ii´very much alive, my cheeks are rosy, my blood is pumping and my heart wants to get the beat on, to a melody, to music, to the one accomplice when I shut myself from all, from them, all those who cheered for u/s, all those who envied u/s, all those who hated you and those who hated me; music was there, my books were there, beer was there oh and It made me happy, it made me forget and it made e not cry for you.... My sweets yo will for ever be forgotten and those memories we made, I give them back, to the world, to the dead, to the fans and the hatters I give them each little bit and piece, until there is no more u/.....